to pitch or not to pitch...

So, there's this pitch meeting next week. I've never done a pitch, but I have pitches, I'm sure of it. I have two completed scripts, and one outline for a TV show, and I'm working on an outline for another script. Or two. I have stuff. I've read up on pitching, I went to a very informative meeting of writers who have pitched. They lived. They even enjoyed it. I know it's a good skill to acquire. I know I should go for the practice. And who the hell knows, right?

Wrong. I keep finding reasons not to go. I know nothing about TV other than the fact that I watch it. I don't know the New Zealand scene of producers/tv folk. I'm a writer damn it, not a shmoozer. I hate shmoozing. I hate selling. Read the damn thing. It will sell itself. Or it won't. But I won't be tourtured by my pounding heart and stammering words, and blank stares from across the table, stifled yawns. Oh god, my worst nightmare.

Which makes me wonder, where the hell did my balls go? I think they up and trotted off without a sound, as I don't remember the exact time I became shit scared of my own shadow. I used to go for it. I used to throw caution to the wind. Ah, screw it. I shall go and pitch my little pounding heart out. Maybe I'll find my missing balls in the process.